When this shirt showed up as a sponsored post on my FaceBook newsfeed, I thought to myself, How Do They KNOW?! These social media algorithms are creepy.
I don't really need the shirt though, because the thought is permanently etched on my face.
Let me set the scene for you. It's 6.15am. I've been up since 5.30 (I was also up at 2.30am, by the way). I'm hunched over the couch (scrolling through Facebook, naturally) with a 3-month-old laying across my lap. He's finally back asleep. It would be peaceful were it not for my 3 year old, right next to me, jumping up and down on the sofa. Side-eyeing him, he looks like he has a perilously saggy diaper, and I'm wondering what the next landing will bring. He needs to be watered and fed. He wasn't supposed to be up for another hour. I was supposed to go back to bed. When I try explaining this to him he points to the lightening sky and says "No-but Mommmee it's Good Morning Tymmme!" Right he is.
The nanny isn't due to arrive until 8, at which point I'll be wide awake.
There are lots of days where I wake up to wrangle the toddler and the baby and I think to myself, how on earth did I get here? Where did these tiny people come from? How am I supposed to shape their lives and futures, and turn them into responsible adults? Isn't that rather a tall order?
I go to a parent-teacher event at my son's preschool, where I have little sidebars with myself while I'm talking to the other parents. They're so grown up and put together! And I feel a teenager with a bigger wardrobe allowance! I'm not sure how they could possibly take me seriously. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realize, I look just like them. I'm in my early 30's, I have TWO kids, and somehow our apartment hasn't burnt to the ground. I'm not an impostor!
That feeling I had when we had been released from the hospital after delivery, walking past the nurses station realllllly slowly, waiting for someone to say "Hey! Stop! You can't leave with that baby! You're not ready!" never quite goes away.
Do you ever have moments like these? It's bewildering.